June 4, 2008

Exhibit 19: Band names as satanic acronyms


As some musicians directly courted Satan's assistance in furthering their music careers (see Exhibit 15), other bands – especially those in heavy metal – became the targets of Southern Baptists and other religious conservatives who were absolutely certain the bands' styles, demeanors and penchants for tight leather indicated devotion to Satan. To shore up their arguments, these religious leaders pointed to the names of the bands themselves, which they claimed were not mere descriptive, harmless monikers, but rather satanic acronyms.

The most famous of these supposed acronyms, of course, was that of the rock band KISS. Depending on the accuser, it was claimed KISS actually stood for "Kids In Satan's Service," "Knights In Satan's Service," "Knights In Satan's Servitude," "Knights In Satan's Satchel," "Kids In Satan's Slipknot," or during the holiday season, "Kids Ingesting Santa's Spleen."

Many other bands and musicians were accused of having names that were encoded, initialized tributes to Satan, including these:

AC/DC: "Anti-Christ/Demon Child"

Rush: "Right Under Satan's Hand"

ABBA: "At Beelzebub's Beckoning Always"

R.E.M.: "Rendering Evil Monstrosities"

Cher: "Choosing Hell's Eternal Rapture"

'N Sync: "Naughty Satan, You Nasty Card!"

a-ha: "Attention! Hades, Anyone?"

Sade: "Satan's Ass, Demon Enema"

Queen: "Quick, Unholy Entity, Enter Nicely"

Boston: "Bring On Satan Tonight – Oh, Neat-o!"

Sebadoh: "Satan's Ever-Baying, Angry Dogs Of Hell"

Genesis: "Gabriel's Evil, Naturally – Excellent Student In Satanism"

Alabama: "Anton LaVey's A Bright, Attractive Man-Animal"

Celine Dion: "Comely, Eye-popping Lady In Nice Ensemble: Devil Is On Notice!"

Einstuerzende Neubaten: "Even In Nova Scotia, The Unholy Entity's Rusty Zipper Edges Near Destiny's Endgame – Nobody Ever Underestimates Beelzebub's Amoral Tendencies, Endless Nastiness"

Engelbert Humperdinck: "Even Nice Girls Eventually Like Being Easy, Rotten Tarts – His Unholy Majesty Performs Evil, Reeking Deeds In Nasty Carnal Knowledge"

KC And The Sunshine Band: "Kooky Christ, Always Negating Demons, That Holy Egghead. Satan, Understandably, Nobly Says He's Infinite, Never-Ending Evil – Bad Ass, Nimble Devil"

Dr. Buzzard's Original Savannah Band: "Devil's Right. Bad Umbrella – Zounds! Zoologists! – Always Rams Down Satanic Oracles, Really Imaginative, Great Ideas. Nowadays, All Love Satan, A Victorious Archangel: Never Needs A Haircut, Boxes Against Neil Diamond"

Bee Gees: "Beelzebub, Eh? Eh. God, Eh, 'E Sucks."

All these acronyms have since been proven to be mere urban legends, with the exception of Celine Dion.

6 comments:

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viagra online said...

ohhh come on! do you believe in this idiocy? please we don't live in the dark age, we don't burn witches well until I know...

Ed said...

I commend you on your imagination ! Yeah! :)

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4rx said...

I don't really get this people... i don't believe in anything but there's nothing more stupid that pray or praise to something that doesn't exist...

G A T O said...

Este ya es una invensión, ya que hay nombre ilógicos porque significan otra cosa y no se ha rebuscado para poner eses nombre un ejemplo de ello es ABBA que significa Agnetha, Bjórn, Benny Anna-Frida que son los nombres de los 4 integrantes del grupo y son sus nombres reales no nombre comerciales como los de otros artitas.

 
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